yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
