Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
