I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
