Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
