I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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