honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
