We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize