No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You're earring is so big in my mouth
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
