when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
