chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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