i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
