I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
