If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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