at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
