last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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