I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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