May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
