I CAN MOONWALK!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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