he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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