I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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