i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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