I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
