Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
