Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
