i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
