I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize