NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
