I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
