so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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