Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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