He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
