Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
