She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
