Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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