whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
