He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
