For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Drunk walkin through police station. America
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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