i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
