my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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