Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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