I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
