he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
soo... how was my night?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
