I skipped work to stalk him.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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