The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
