He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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