lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
