My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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