Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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