he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
