i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
