I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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