apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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