yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
