They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
