Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
