I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
