Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
