So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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