Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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