I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize