I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
