My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
