Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
