***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
