If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
