...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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