forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
