I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
