i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
