she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
