I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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