I think i peed on brittanys purse
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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