I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
