Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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